Friday, April 3, 2009

What's Your Love Language?

There's a wonderful book that was first published in 1992 called The Five Love Languages and sub-titled How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. It was written by Gary Chapman.

I think understanding what our love language is can help us understand why we meet some goals and not others. Why we enjoy doing one activity more than another. And how to reach out to ourselves as well as others who impact our lives.

I'm ready to try anything that might help me meet that self-imposed finish line for my first draft.

The first time I read this book I had a revelation about my mom. Expressing love with words and hugs was hard for her. She wasn't a toucher. The few times she talked about how much she loved me, or how proud she was of me, it sounded like she was making a confession. It was almost painful to hear, and I wanted to stop her discomfort, so I helped her keep her words to a minimum.

The things I remember about my mom include great birthdays and Christmas's. Leading my Brownie troop (making cats out of empty pop bottles . . . back when they were glass). And cleaning my bedroom top to bottom when I was sick in bed. Somehow that would always make me feel better. My mom expressed her love through Acts of Service. Knowing that about her helped me understand that that was also the easiest way for her to receive love.

(OT: My mom is on my mind because my sister and I are together in Tucson, celebrating what would have been her 76th birthday (the 2nd) and marking what is the first year of her passing (the 5th).)

Here are the five languages of love: Quality Time; Words of Affirmation; Gifts; Acts of Service; Physcial Touch.

The titles Gary Chapman gave them are all pretty self-explanatory, but if you want more detail, get your hands on a copy of his book.

The idea is that your reward to yourself for achieving a goal should be based on your love language. Yeah . . . I love them all, don't you? Who wouldn't appreciate a thoughtful gift or a special embrace or a romantic dinner? But Words of Affirmation from my husband can make my heart soar. What I need to establish is a way for ME to give MYSELF some wonderful affirmations when I accomplish something. Like finishing that first draft.

What's your love language? What do you plan on giving yourself to express your own love for yourself when you meet a goal?

CR: Three Weeks to Say Goodbye by C.J.Box

It's all better with friends.

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