Language Barrier

Last Friday I went to get my driver's license renewed. Believing I was in deep doo-doo because it had expired on my birthday in January, I didn't even try to renew online. My penance was to appear in person at the DMV and subject myself to government bureaucracy at its finest.

I imagine that all driver's license spaces look alike. Regardless of the colors used, they all look gray. Tired tile floors, tired plastic chairs all lined up facing the same direction, and tired looking people behind a barrier type desk calling out numbers—their biggest goal to make it through another boring day.

In spite of the large posters admonishing that all cell phones were to be turned off, a couple of people were talking on theirs. And like most cell phone users, talking loudly. (I, for one, try to tone my voice down to where I can barely hear myself. So far, whoever I'm talking to doesn't seem to have a problem.)

One young man in particular was on his cell obviously talking to a friend about a young woman. He wore the kind of droopy-drawer jeans that make me want to laugh out loud. They remind me of a country bumpkin cartoon character I must've been exposed to as a kid. What I wouldn't give to see the guys who sport those things have to tear off in a run.

If Droopy Drawers didn't have at least one four-letter word in every sentence, I think he would've confused himself. He further powered down the words by only enunciating the first two letters. (Have you ever noticed that people who use profanity actually seem to have their vocabulary curtailed?)

I'm painting a one-dimensional character here, which we should all avoid. If I were writing him, I'd work to add dimension, assuming he was important to my plot. But the fact was, this character cussed. He tossed F-bombs and others to the wind like confetti. Tired, gray confetti, but confetti.

What I did at the DVM was move away. But what if I were writing him?

I would want to write him true, but not as boring as he became in real life. Real life dialogue is dull. One F-bomb would probably be sufficient to make that particular layer of his personality clear.

As a reader, I get jolted out of the story as much by ludicrous dialogue as I do by overly-intrusive dialogue. Someone who has a live grenade land at their feet does not say, "Gosh." Nor do they say "Darn it" when headlights from a semi-truck fill their windshield on a dark night.

What about you?

CR: Under the Dome by Stephen King.

It's all better with friends.

Writing Concept: Micro-tension in Dialogue

I'm working through my rewrites wondering how different the last half might look from the first as I try to stumble through the idea of developing micro-tension in my writing. I like to think I may have lucked out a time or two early on (or better, had flashes of brilliance), but since I have yet to fully understand this concept, there's a good chance there's little difference. {resigned sigh}

For more significant guidance, additional detail, or just because there's a lot more in the book than the idea of micro-tension, you'll want to get your hands on a copy of Fire in Fiction by Donald Maass. The chapter I'm working from is Chapter Eight, Tension All the Time.

Maass has the amazing ability (honed from years and years of studying writing) to pick up a sample and tweak it to add undeniable tension. Or intrigue. At the workshop I attended, a brave soul offered up her YA manuscript with a bit of dialogue to see how it could be enhanced.

Her scene had two people waiting for a bus. An older woman and a teen girl with an attitude. What Maass did to make it better was to get to the goals and emotions of the individual characters. The older woman was nosey, and the younger girl wanted to be left alone. Super conflict for tension in the dialogue. His immersion into the psyche of each character ratcheted the words each one uttered. Amazing.

From Fire: Tension in dialogue is emotional, not intellectual. It comes from people, not topics.

Writers will sometimes feel we have to risk backstory and info dumps to help the reader understand the situation, and in some cases, we're probably right. But there's no way we can turn information into riveting writing. It is what it is. Sometimes we can make things a little better using dialogue. But it must be infused with tension. One of your characters has to have an opposing goal, or a disbelieving view, or something that makes the dialogue relevant and interesting.

And don't forget inner conflict. That can be expressed in dialogue as well. Do they indicate that what they're about to say is really none of their business, or something else even more dramatic?

Maass gives an example of creating tension when the dialogue is between friends. Then, the writer must rely on friendly disagreement. But there is still an element of strain. Does the character think they're friend is making a horrible decision? Do they refuse to back down?

From Fire: Where is the tension in your dialogue? Is it present in every line? Why not undertake a dialogue draft? Check every conversation in your story. Are you relying on the circumstances or the topic itself to make it important for us to listen in?

That is dangerous. Instead, find the emotional friction between the speakers. Or externalize your characters' inner conflicts. Or pit allies against each other. True tension in dialogue comes not from what is being said, but from inside those who are saying it.

Maass says earlier in the chapter: Micro-tension is easily understood but hard to do. I know this because when teaching it in workshops I watch participants nod in understanding when I explain it, but see them stare helplessly at their pages when they try to do it themselves.

Was I that obvious?

CR: Identity Crisis by Debbi Mack

It's all better with friends.

Chit-chat Labels

Here are some snippets of ideas I've pulled together from recent conversa- tions about beats and tags on some of the writing loops I frequent. (Hmmm . . . sounds like I may need a 12-Step program.):

• Give me clean dialogue. I don't need too many pieces of body language to make it more visual.

• PLEASE! Never use animal sounds. These would include, but are not limited to: growled; purred; snarled or chirped.

• English is a complicated language that has borrowed, with considerable trouble, bits and pieces of other languages in an attempt to capture the most vivid word available. Don't limit the writer to "said." PLEASE! Convey an impression, even if it means using an animal sound. (Do you see where this could get confusing?)

• Many tags and beats are simply author intrusion. Don't manipulate your characters. EVERYTHING, outside of the actual words being spoken, should be geared toward the character themselves, not HOW they said what they said. Think expression, stance, movement. (This would include the descriptive term "husked", which I must admit not to having seen recently. I must be reading the right stuff.)

• Sometimes an adverb is preferable to fifteen words to get there. Unless, of course, you're being paid by the word. (Just kidding.)

• The worst of the worst? "No," she denied. And, "Yes," he agreed.

• For the most part, delete those fancy verbs. To name a few, shouted, intoned, chirped (where have I heard that before?), fluted, shrieked, purred, whispered, hissed, oiled, chuckled, screeched, murmured, sneered, bellowed . . . you get the drift. (And don't tell me you haven't used any of them.)

• If you think you're using "said" too often, consider whether or not you have an opportunity to show who the speaker is in a different way. With two people, it's easy. (But I know there've been many occasions when I've had to backtrack with my finger to figure out who said what.)

My personal theory is that it's the new writers, the ones who are still wet behind the ears, who FORCE themselves to never use the word "said." Sometimes, it's the perfect tool. It lets the story slip like silk into whatever is next. Don't neglect the ambiguous quality of the word.

What's harder for me is the concept of making each of your character's speech patterns so unique tags are unnecessary. I see a lot of problems with this one, but can appreciate the characterization component. I think you risk going over the top, but if that's your character? Who am I to say don't do it?

It's all better with friends.

To Dialogue or Not to Dialogue

I'm reading along, happy as a pup getting its first ear rub. The story is pulling me in, the characters not only personalized but also personal . . . and then I turn the page. No dialogue. There's a sea of narrative swarming before my eyes. I'm perplexed. I'm disappointed. I'm vexed. I begin to skim ahead and surreptitiously flip the next page just to see if there's some dialogue a-comin'. Some relief. Interest. Story. People-building. Know what I mean?

Truthfully, it doesn't matter much to me if this narrative is regarding the new daffodil blooms, or an action packed dogfight. Although an action sequence can be fab, it's still narrative. Can I last until someone talks again?

Having made the point that dialogue is one of the keys to pacing, I should also point out that all dialogue and no narrative is equally stinky. Balance is important.

When you're writing dialogue, keep it intense and fresh. If you were to record a real conversation between two people word for word, it would be dull reading. Make certain your characters move the scene forward when they talk. Every word must build characterization, conflict, or lead to meaningful interaction. Otherwise, the delete key is called for.

Know to your core what each character would say and how they'd say it. Your heroine who has lived wild in the woods since the age of two is not going to emerge reciting Shakespeare any more than she would have the manners of Emily Post.

Treat dialect, accents and speech differences with kid gloves. Unless you're personally steeped in those nuances, you run the risk of offending someone else who lives them. Once again, balance is important. Your character who stutters will pull your reader out of the story if every other word is sh-shown as a stu-stutter. Less is more.

In a later post, I'll share my opinion of dialogue tags and beats.

It's all better with friends.